Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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