Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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