I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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