ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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