He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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