theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
