If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
