i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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