U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize