Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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