ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
