dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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