No stitches, just platelets and will power
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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