just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
