I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I could make wine with my vomit
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
