Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
