I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
