yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
