i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i think im in europe. pls send help
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
