so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
