Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
