that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
