i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
