He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize