His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
this beer tastes like vomit already
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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