your room smells of hookers.
And success
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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