I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
