Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
