: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think a kid would responsible me up
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
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