Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
