It's Friday. Sex?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
