the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
