Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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