Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
