I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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