Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
