I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
