Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
