Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
