At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
