I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
