I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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