have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
