Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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