Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
