Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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