dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
