I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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