Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
