Redeem this text for a blowjob
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
