dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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