"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
