At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
