My sheets look like a crime scene.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
