the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
