the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
