Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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