I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
