bring money and cleavage
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
