goodnight i made you a song goodbye
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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