She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
