whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
