The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
