i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
