Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize