Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize