So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
