Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
