sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
