God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
