Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
