Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
