Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
