Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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