i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
