We're like a lot better than the average bears
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
