o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
