Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
