he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
