So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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