I want to have your abortion
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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