Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
