FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
