so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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