I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
