you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't think brook has ever known best
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
