New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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