rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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