she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
