Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
