i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
