No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
