I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
