When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
