Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
