YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
