it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
