He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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