What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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