You smell like stripper and shame
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
