You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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