Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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