where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
